get your tambourine going

via ella

i spent the first half of last night's turbokick class telling myself i was leaving early and skipping abs. i wound up staying to the end. so glad i did. got to leave behind a sense of defeat!

we can believe it's better this way

via healthy change

yesterday, in church, i learned that i have got to loosen my grip on this. i must release it. my intense desire to control this situation is actually causing me to lose control.

gonna wait for you to search us and destroy

via weheartit

today brings a little truth to the surface.

several months ago, one of my closest friends and i decided that we needed to get hot. we were both pretty unhappy with the turns our lives had taken, and obviously, the only solution was to become skinny. duh.

so you know what i did? i became a "runner," broke up with carbs (i really should do this again, though), started climbing on the scale like twice a day, and thumbed through pictures of myself from a...chubbier...time. i also started calling "two-a-days." i mean...i love Friday Night Lights, but let's be honest, this isn't dillon, texas and i am not working toward a state championship. and guess how long all of this lasted? i'm pretty sure i made it through one month.

so much happened in that month. i did lose 6 pounds, but that was not the dramatic transformation to which i am referring. my entire mindset had changed. i was (okay, am) overpowered by a mentality that i have to be better. the girl i saw in the mirror was no longer a happy, healthy girl pursuing the best life she could achieve. nope. she had become someone who wasn't good enough, who wasn't trying hard enough, who was cute but unimpressive.

it sounds like total My So-Called Life, high school girl drama. just reading that last paragraph embarrasses me a little bit. but it is my present reality. and now all that i want is to go back. everyday i pray that God will let me go back to where i was when all of this began. the mentality mentioned here was one that helped me find joy and freedom. and now i feel bound. bound to my weaknesses. bound to my image. bound to insecurity.  

a day at a time

via lisa storms

i brought my lunch today :)

self control? what's that?

via lovely package

blah. i'm frustrated.

i feel like it's so easy to set out to do well throughout the week, but once friday hits i'm done. this is mostly because i spend my weekends out doing fun things, and there is more of an emphasis on fun and enjoyment on the weekends than M-Th.

of course, i drank too much beer this weekend. those silly baseball games get me every time. and i ate ice cream and entirely too many carbs.

so where do i go from here? i'm learning that planning and preparation make all the difference. and did i plan or prepare at all for this monday? nope. if i come to work without having eaten first, it's a guaranteed FAIL. i will not be eating healthy, that's for sure. i must go grocery shopping tonight so this doesn't happen again tomorrow...

via wit + delight

you keep me coming back for more

current mission: drink less beer.

it might sound silly. or maybe a little sad. but i have to do this. i know that it would contribute tremendously to my efforts in the gym. i love beer, but it needs to more of a "nice treat" or a "splurge," than a "duh...what else would i have with my _____ (ie pizza, salad, baseball game, celery, cookie, laundry, movie, spare time, ...the list goes on...)?"

well...i think i'll be attending two giants games this week. maybe i'll cut back next week?

such is life.